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Days Until Heartbreak/Obsession
i know i'm obsessed you make me feel real but this situation is so surreal part six of Days Until Heartbreak Ice haunts my dreams. Every time I close my eyes, I see him there, purring and telling me that he loves me. My mind keeps flitting back to that day in which he told me all those heartfelt things. I could feel his words pulling at me, and his anguish drowning me. I still don't get what his words meant. I don't understand why he wants me to know or why he's telling me to hold on if he leaves. Shineblossom. I'm almost certain that snobby she-cat has something to do with it. Ice certainly didn't explain much last night and I think - no, I know - Shineblossom is behind all this. Ice will be mine one day. "Sari, are you even alive these days?" Aura's annoyed voice snaps me back to the present, "If you don't want me to do your work maybe you should at least pay attention! Yes, Sweetie, you can go hunting with Dew and Amber. Make sure you stick with them." I don't like Aura's tone. And I'm not afraid to tell her. I swivel my head to glare at her and she rolls her eyes and turns away. "Finally," I hear her mutter as she starts to walk away. I don't intend to let her go. "Aura," I call to her, noting the cats around us to witness this. She hears the warning in my tone and turns slowly, her eyes wary. "Is that how you address your leader?" I ask sharply, letting my anger fuel me onwards. "Did Twilight teach you nothing?" Her eyes flash. I know what she's thinking. I never bring up Twilight. Twlight and Winter are off-topic for us two. Normally I would not subject her to such sorrow but Aura and I aren't that close anymore. Plus, I'' am the true leader of the group. "Twilight stays out of this," Aura snaps, "Do you think you have the right to hold ''your mistakes against me?" The cats are gathering now, but I know they're keeping their distance, focusing on their own work. That's alright. I want them to be here. I want them to see who's in control. "Is this how you talk to the cat in control?" I ask softly, using the quiet voice that Aura always uses. She knows if I start to imitate her, I'm furious. Her eyes soften. "I'm sorry, Sari, I was just annoyed, okay?" "That's not enough," my voice sharpens. She thinks I'm still the naive little she-cat who just wants Aura to care about me. She needs to respect me. She needs to bow down to me like everyone else does. Aura's position does not make her higher than me. Aura tenses up. "I'm sorry," she hisses, her eyes narrowed, "What do I need to do to please my leader?" My eyes harden. "I expect you to obey me and treat me with the respect I deserve. You are setting a bad example for the next generation. Do I need to demote you from your position?" Aura's eyes are unfathomable now. "No, Sari," she murmurs, lowering her head and crouching in respect. "Good," I spit out, "You'll clean all the dens for the next moon." Something flashes in her eyes but she doesn't argue. The other cats are exchanging glances but I'm glad they are here to witness this. Everyone needs to understand where they stand right now. I'' am the cat in power. ~ I spend the rest of the day ordering cats around. I make several trips to the border but I never see Ice. Once I even ventured into his den and peeked in. He wasn't there. I'm not terribly worried, I mean Ice has his own life to live, but after what he said that night I kind of exepcted him to be with me whenever I got be with him. "Speckle, take Dew and Sweetie hunting. Amber, Hector patrol the border for intruding cats. The rest of you can rest or do what you like." Aura is doing her daily sweep of the dens. I ignore her completely, as if she is nothing. I made her move out of my den too. Since the older cats' den is too crowded, she sleeps with the younger cats. I know Aura loathes me for that decision but she needs to grow up and gets used to it. After all, she's the one who needs to listen to me. I decide to give Ice a visit. He's been gone for so many days now. I slip out of camp and put Patie and Flare in charge. "I'll be out for awhile. Make sure nobody makes a racket or tries to take control. Do what you need to do in order to keep them in line." They nod quickly and I leave. I quickly make sure nobody is following me before heading for Ice's den. I know Amber and Hector won't be here until sunhigh. They'll be patrolling the more active areas of the border before coming here. I'm safe for now. I dart across and weave my way expertly to Ice's den. He's outside, eating a small mouse. He looks up in surprise as I approach. "Sari!" he breaks into a smile, though it's not as easy as it used to be, "I was wondering when you'd come." I touch my nose to his in a quick gesture and sit back. "What do you mean? I've been here for the past few days and you never showed up! I was wondering when ''you'd come." Ice looks frantic for a moment. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I was busy. There's a lot of Clan activity lately and if I don't help, they'll just invade our territory and take away our land. I can't let that happen." Even though his words are smooth, I can tell he's uneasy. Something changed in the last few days. "What's wrong, Ice?" "Nothing," he mutters. I edge closer to him and curl my tail around him. "Everything is fine now. I can lead my group and be here at the same time, if that's why you're worried. Plus, we both know how we really feel now so it's no big deal, right?" I am hoping for a reaction. Ice sighs and gives me a pained smile. "It's not that simple, Sari." I remember his heartfelt words from that night. The way he seemed to be holding himself away from me and the shock and anguish he showed when I confessed my feelings. "What did you mean?" I whisper, "What did you mean that night?" The white tom grimaces. "I can't tell you, Sari. Not yet. Things are too dangerous right now. I'm not even supposed to be seeing you. We shouldn't have a relationship or anything. Please," his eyes are begging me now, "you can't keep coming back." But you just said you wanted me to come by. I stare at him. "Why?" He shakes his head. "Do you love me?" I demand, taking a step back, "Why are you acting so weird? What happened? That night...you gave me so much hope. I thought we had a real future." "I do love you, Sari, and I don't have enough words to explain my love for you. But we can't...be together right now. It's for your own protection." I don't understand him. Ice has been patient and calm with me, and I know he's been doing a lot of things to help me, but shouldn't he tell me what's going on? "Why will staying out of a relationship protect me? I hurt every single time I'm away from you. I want to stay with you forever. What I want to do is discard my group and just be your mate." Ice recoils. "No, Sari, please no." My eyes widen. "What's so repulsive about that?" Ice lowers his eyes. There's some sort of hidden fear I can't comprehend. There's a reason why Ice is acting like this. I must find out why. "Sari, you need to stop pressing this issue. It won't do you any good. It'll harm you...maybe kill you. I can't let that happen to you. I care too much to let that happen. Please, I don't want to break your heart just to get you to stay away from me, but I need to tell you this." He raises his eyes and stares right at me. "You can't be here with me. Ever. We have to stop." "No," I whisper, "you told me you loved me. I don't want to stop now." Ice shakes his head furiously. "Listen to me, Sari! There are things in this situation that you don't know about. Me telling you will only get you harmed, or worse, killed. I have no intention of losing you forever in that way. I need you to stay away until I can solve the problem, okay?" "Okay," my voice comes out as a hoarse mew. Ice closes the distance between us. His nose brushes my ear and he whispers. "I love you, Sari, no matter what." ~ I don't know what drives me to set out two days later for Ice. But before I even reach his den, I hear him talking to someone. "Done, just don't touch her." "Of course, my dear Ice. As long as I have you, I won't do anything to that poor she-cat. After all, you're only misleading her. You are enough to break her heart." Shineblossom. Shock shoots through me. Ice must have been trying to keep me away from this. But why? Does he love Shineblossom? Impossible. He loves me. But when I look out from my hiding spot, Ice is sitting close to Shineblossom, his head bent to talk to her. I stare at them, disbelief flooding into tears. I turn around and flee the scene, and the only thing in my mind is Ice and Shineblossom. Shineblossom and Ice.